Did you KNOW?

Help Your Teen Make The Best Choice

• About one in five adolescents has had sex before age 15.
• About one in 10 girls who first have sex before age 15 describe it as non-voluntary.
• About one in seven sexually experienced 14-year-old girls reports having been pregnant.
• About one-third of parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds believe their child has had sex.
• One-sixth of young people believe sex without a condom once in a while is "not that big of a deal."
• More than eight in 10 teens say that a lot or some people their age drink or use drugs before having sex.
• Seven in 10 said their peers don't use condoms when they are drinking or using drugs.
• About a quarter said that alcohol or drugs had influenced their decision to do something sexual at least once.
• More than half of teens believe oral sex is not as big a deal as sexual intercourse, with boys more likely to believe this.
• Four in 10 consider oral sex "safer sex," although some diseases can be transmitted this way.

These findings paint a bleak picture of teen sexuality, but what is most disturbing of all is that 63 percent of all 15-17-year-olds agreed either strongly or somewhat that "waiting to have sex is a nice idea but nobody really does it," with boys 6 percentage points more likely to say so. Not only are kids having sex at an early age (about one in five adolescents has had sex before age 15), but the majority of teens today are pessimistic about the prospect of being able to wait to have sex until marriage.

So, is it possible for teens to abstain from sex until marriage in our sex-crazed culture? The answer to this question is a resounding "yes!", but much of the responsibility for pulling this off rests with parents. Parents must understand that there is much they can do to help their teens abstain from sex until marriage.

Joe Mcllhaney, founder of The Medical Institute for Sexual Health says, "Our teens also understand the enormous pressure they face to engage in early sexual activity. That's why they're asking their parents to help them face down that pressure. Unfortunately, that National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy survey found that 36 percent of teens said they have never had a helpful conversation with their parents about sex."

As a parent, you need to go beyond the ceremonial "birds and the bees" lecture and move into developing an ongoing dialog about sexual issues with your teen. Before you can do this, however, you need to get to know the facts about things like teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases among teens, and the unreliability of condoms.

For instance, did you know that one million teen girls become pregnant each year in the U.S.? Of these girls, two-thirds have become pregnant by boys who are 18 years old or older, and 50% of these pregnancies end in abortion.

Did you know that sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) affect more young people than car accidents, drugs, or alcohol? There are over 30 STDs today with the most common viral STDs being Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) and Herpes, and 3.8 million teens contract an STD each year in America. Here's what international abstinence educator and mother, Pam Stenzel, has to say about STDs:

I ran a crisis pregnancy center for nine years in Minneapolis, and I'd have girls in my office every day for pregnancy tests scared out of their mind. After administering a pregnancy test, I'd walk in and say, "Your test is negative." She'd get this look of relief over her face like she's off the hook. I'd have to say to her, "Wait a minute. Have you been tested for syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis B, or HPV?" The girl would look at me and wonder why she would need to be tested for this.

She has a four times greater chance of contracting a disease than she ever has of being pregnant. Girls who are put on hormonal birth control such as the Pill or DeproProvera are ten times more likely to contract a disease than if they were not taking that drug.

The reality is that our girls might not be getting pregnant, but they're becoming sterile and at risk of death because of the other choices they're making. I have to be honest; I have a teenage daughter and pregnancy is the least of my worries.

Did you know that condoms - the device that our culture says will provide our teens with safe sexual encounters - offers no protection from sores in the genital area? Condoms are designed to protect from fluids only...not from STDs, and it has been statistically proven that a certain number of condoms will fail.

As parents, we need to be able to talk to our teens in a knowledgeable way about teen sexuality issues because as Pam Stenzel says, "MTV's going to talk about sex, and their peers talk about sex constantly. We have got to be the ones to also communicate this message and to give them the right information."

What do you remember most about your parents growing up? Was it the little things like your mom doing your laundry, fixing your dinner, or vacuuming your bedroom? Was it your dad fixing your bike, going to work each day so you could have what you needed, or repairing the leak in your roof? Probably not. Usually, we remember the big things and forget all of the day-to-day little, but important, things our parents did for us. If you want to have a profound and long-lasting impact on your kids in the area of abstinence, then it will be important that you make memories together with them.

There is a man named Paul from Arizona who took this concept seriously. When his oldest son hit adolescence, Paul devised an elaborate memory-making scheme that would clearly communicate his commitment to helping his son abstain from sex until marriage. He went as a chaperone on his son's class trip to San Diego. One afternoon, the students were given some free time to shop and sightsee. Paul told his son that he would like to meet him at 6PM on a nearby pier that jutted out into the San Diego Bay.

His son agreed and showed up promptly, wondering what his dad was up to. As the sun was setting across the bay, Paul talked to his son about the importance of abstinence. He presented him with a neck chain that symbolized his commitment to helping his son stay abstinent until marriage.

As his son started to leave, Paul pulled out another neck chain, knelt down, and asked his son if he would place it on his neck. He told his son that from that day forward, he had permission to ask him anything about girls and sex.

A few years have since passed, but Paul and his son still wear the neck chains. More significant than that, however, is the fact that Paul's son has remained abstinent, and they have had many conversations about sex and abstinence since then. The San Diego event set the tone, and the memory made together that day has helped to shape Paul's ongoing relationship with his son and his son's ongoing decision to remain abstinent until marriage.

Other memory making ideas include: taking your daughter shopping and out for dinner on occassion with the sole purpose of talking about abstinence with her; taking your son hiking or hunting with the sole purpose of talking about abstinence with him; or giving your daughter a "purity ring" or your son a chain or watch that will remind them of their pledge to remain abstinent.

While making a memory together with your teen like Paul did is vital to helping him or her stay abstinent, it is important that you don't stop there. In order to help your teen stay abstinent throughout the long and difficult teen and early adult years, you must create an atmosphere at home that encourages an abstinence lifestyle. Encourage an open dialog about sex and sexual issues in your home. Don't be afraid to talk about some of the tougher and often uncomfortable sexual issues like homosexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, and oral sex with your teen. The rest of the world is talking about these things, so you need to as well. Make your home a place where kids want to hang out. Stock your fridge with lots of food and drinks, put up a basketball hoop in the driveway, buy a video game system, and buy lots of furniture and carpet stain remover! Make your home the place to be so that you can be with your kids more and so that you can get to really know their friends.

Set defined and firm dating boundaries and communicate them clearly and often to your kids. Never let your kids be alone with their dates for a long period of time. Know where your kids are, and make it clear when you expect them to be home. Trouble lurks in the absence of the parental accountability that kids so desperately need. So, is it possible for teens today to abstain from sex until marriage? Absolutely! Even thought the survey released recently by the Kaiser Family Foundation paints a bleak picture of teen sexuality, parents - who are committed to talking to their kids about sex, creating memories together with them, and encouraging an abstinence lifestyle in their home - can play a pivotal role in turning the negative sexual tide among teens today.