Did you KNOW?

How do you know your kids are ready to hear from you about one the most important topics of adolesence? Read on and see if you have approached that important crossroad and then take action before you miss your opportunity.

Talking about sex, puberty and personal relationships will be easier on you and your child if you begin early and continue communicating as your child matures. Anytime you're asked a question about sex, puberty or personal relationships, your answer should be age appropriate and only in response to the specific question asked. For instance, a very young child may ask "where do babies come from?" A satisfactory answer may be, "mommy grows the baby inside and when it's time for the baby to come out she goes to the hospital and the doctor helps her."

There should be more than just a one-time "sex-talk." There is a lot of important information to share. Doing so spontaneously and in response to encountered situations/conversations will encourage two-way communication with your child. It is important to be sensitive to the needs and responses of each child, including emotional, physical and psychological development. To further help you feel prepared, you might consider reading a parental resource booklet such as the Sex Q&A: Kids Questions - Parents' Answers. Click here to preview Resources.

The expectations you have for your child might be different & so also are the potential consequences for their behavior. The consequences facing sexually active teens today are much more severe than you had to worry about. Being honest with your child is important. However, it may not necessarily include your personal experiences and probably should not include the facts of your premarital sexual experiences. Rather, try to interject lessons you may have learned (as a result of your own behavior or others'). Encouraging your child to be sexually abstinent will help him/her develop personal values, increase self respect and develop self control that will encourage healthy choices in many areas of his or her life. Click here to learn more about STD's

Baby boomers and Gen-Xers often have the belief that they need to be 'friends' with their children rather than parents. This relationship results in a 'hands-off' parenting-being there to consult with your child when a friend is needed, rather than actively and continually parenting. According to research by Columbia University, only one-in- four teens lives in a household where parents are 'hands-on'. Parents who have a 'hands-on' attitude have established a culture for their household based on rules and expectations that are well established and continually communicated and reinforced. 'Hands-on' parenting is shown to greatly reduce the risk of children smoking, drinking and using drugs. By doing some of the following, you can help to counter negative peer, media and social influences on a teen:

• Monitor your teen's television and Internet viewing and restrict CD's they purchase and listen to.
• Know where your teen is after school and on weekends, with the expectation that your teen will tell you where they are going at night or on weekends.
• Have dinner with your teen seven nights a week and turn off the TV.
• Give a clear message about your extreme distress over drug use.
• Be aware of your teen's scholastic performance.
• Impose a curfew.

Despite what you might think, the Columbia research showed just the opposite. Teens growing up in 'hands-on' households have better parental relationships than those who grow up in 'hands-off' households.

The belief that many teens don't want their parents to set rules and expectations is unfounded. Forty-seven percent of teens living in 'hands-on' households reported an "excellent relationship" with their fathers, only 13 percent living in 'hands-off' households reported the same. Similarly, 57 percent of teens in 'hands-on' households reported an "excellent relationship" with their mother, while only 24 percent in 'hands-off' households did. Click here for more information on 'hands-on' parenting.

The world is radically different today than when you were growing up. Children are exposed to things at much earlier ages than you probably were. Sex is incorporated into virtually every segment of society. Commercials, movies, magazines, the media in general all use sex to sell just about everything (cars, trucks & motorcycles, clothing, diet aids, vacations, even acne medicine).

According to many scientific studies, American parents and their adolescents overwhelmingly agree that sexual issues should be taught at home. However, over one- third of adolescents said they have never had a helpful conversation about sex with their parents.

The reality is, your child will learn about sex, either from you or from someone else. Educating your child about the need for personal limits as well as the responsibilities and consequences of sexual activity will help him/her make informed and healthy personal decisions. Talking about relationships, boundaries and sexual issues will be easier when you begin early and continue the communication as your child matures.

The best way to know where your young ladies are in their sexual experience is to listen to them. Establish and keep open communication with them and their friends. Young people who know that their parents are concerned about them, care about where they are, and who they are spending time with, have a sense of security for discussing sexual and risky behavior choices. As a concerned parent, be candid and openly talk with each child, being observant and aware of increasing interest levels, and address the issues. There is no set age for sexual onset, but you can positively help to influence a delay. You can set limits on dating, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and monitor activities. Click here for more information on 'hands-on' parenting.