TRM: Talk to us about the scope of your abstinence education program. How many students to you speak to each year, and where do your travels take you?

Right now, I'm speaking to almost 300,000 teenagers a year all around the globe. In fact, just last year I spoke in East Africa, Uganda, Kenya, Cairo. I've been in Europe, and just recently I returned from Mexico. I'll be in Australia in a couple of months, so I hear from teenagers not just all over the US but worldwide. It is amazing to see this new generation of teens. There is definitely some hope on the horizon, so I hope people get encouraged by that.

I try to limit my international work because I have teenagers myself and it gets hard to be gone that much. My video, Sex Has a Pricetag, has been translated into 11 different languages and is used in schools around the world.

TRM: Some of the issues are common not just to American teens, but to worldwide teens, aren't they?

Completely; this is a human issue. This isn't just about the US; sexuality is obviously everyone's issue. You can talk about a lot of things in the life of teenagers whether it's drugs, alcohol, or those types of issues, but the reality of sex is something that if you're breathing, you're going to have to deal with it. It's part of who we are.

TRM: Talk to parents about the current state of teen sexuality in America right now.

The biggest fear of most parents is pregnancy. The pregnancy rate is dropping for a number of reasons; one of them I do hope is that teens are choosing not to have sex. Clearly that's going to drop your pregnancy rate. The other issue is that we have a lot more teens on hormonal birth control, which has tremendous problems all the way around. The other issue is we've got a lot of girls becoming infertile at a very young age; this is related to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

I ran a crisis pregnancy center for nine years in Minneapolis, and I'd have girls in my office every day for pregnancy tests scared out of their mind. After administering a pregnancy test, I'd walk in and say, "Your test is negative." She'd get this look of relief over her face like she's off the hook. I'd have to say to her, "Wait a minute. Have you been tested for syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis B, or HPV?" The girl would look at me and wonder why she would need to be tested for these.

This girl has a four times greater chance of contracting a disease than she ever has of becoming pregnant. Girls who are put on hormonal birth control such as the Pill or DeproProvera are ten times more likely to contract a disease than if they were not taking that drug.

The reality is that our girls might not be getting pregnant, but they're becoming sterile and at risk of death because of the other choices they're making. I have to be honest; I have a teenage daughter and pregnancy is the least of my worries.

TRM: Isn't that interesting? It seems as though parents are still concerned about pregnancy, but they need to understand that there are more issues to worry about than just pregnancy.

More issues and more life-threatening issues. AIDS is not the only disease out there, and it's certainly not the only disease that's killing people. Cervical cancer is caused by Human Papilloma Virus (HPV), the most common STD among teens today, and it kills more women every year than AIDS does. It's causing radical hysterectomies in girls as young as 17 and 18 years old...we're not telling our girls this.

What parents need to understand is that it's not 1974 anymore, and the disease rate among our kids is astronomically high. We have got to begin to talk credibly about the medical information and the epidemic level of disease. In the 21st Century, there is almost no way for a teen to have sex with someone who is not a virgin and not get a disease; they're going to get something. The question is: what are they going to get, and how will it impact their health or their very life?

By the way, for a girl under the age of 15 who gets pregnant, the average age of the male father is over 19. The reality is that our young girls are at high, high risk because they're having sex with older men. That's a parenting problem; it's not just a teenage problem. There is no other way around that. I wish that weren't true, but when you've got a 13 year old even around a 19 or 20 year old, the parent is not paying attention.

TRM: Talk to us about what you're telling teens about condoms. How safe are they in protecting kids from the spread of sexually transmitted diseases?

The two most common sexually transmitted diseases that are viral in our country are herpes and HPV; I already stated that HPV is killing more women than AIDS. What people need to understand is that HPV and herpes are transmitted by mere skin contact anywhere in the genital area. It does not require the exchange of body fluids, and males will carry HPV not only on the penis, but on the scrotum. There isn't a condom in the world that can cover the entire genitalia of a male, and condoms don't even begin to protect the female.

There is no such thing as safe sex outside of a safe partner. The only safe sex is someone who has never had sex. Or, if they have had sex, it's been at least three years from the last time they had sex, and they have been blood tested for STDs which will cost hundreds of dollars. You need to know what they've got. This idea that you can have safe sex by going out and sleeping with whoever as long as you have latex is one of the biggest lies forced upon any generation.

There is good news on the horizon, however; the powers that be are beginning to have to say, "You know what, we can't ignore this. If we're going to be medically correct, we cannot say condoms are safe."

It's going to take us a long time for this medical information to trickle down into our school systems. It's going to take parents being willing to be involved in what their school is teaching, what curriculum they're using, and how their teachers are being trained. There is a lot of really good abstinence curriculum out there, and there's no excuse for a teacher to be untrained and using curriculum that is five to ten years old.

TRM: What do parents need to know about oral sex?

I am really clear when I speak to teenagers. Oral sex is sex! Every sexually transmitted disease can be transmitted that way - every single one! I say to kids, "Don't you dare tell anyone you're a virgin if you've had oral sex. Not only are you at risk for disease and you need to get tested, but your future partner needs to know everyone you did that with so they understand their risk for STDs as well."

You cannot call yourself a virgin if you've participated in oral sex. I don't care what you say. It's sex, and it's not safe! That message has to be given to our students very, very clearly. We've got teenagers running around telling each other they're virgins, and they're infecting each other with diseases like wildfire because they think that oral sex doesn't count. It does!

TRM: When you talk to parents, what advice do you give them for helping their teens stay abstinent until marriage?

I have a teenage daughter who will soon be 17, and my son will be 16 shortly. Here are the things that we need to understand: We make a difference. What we say matters to our kids. They can roll their eyes every single time we bring this subject up, and they can say to you 150 times that you've already told them a million times and they don't need to hear it again, but they do need to hear it again! What you say matters, and being very clear with your students about your values matters.

We also need to set boundaries for our kids. My teenage daughter does not like me right now. I have news for her: I have friends, I don't need her to be my friend. I was not called to be my child's buddy; I was called to be her parent. I didn't make rules in my house about dating or other things based on what I thought my kids would obey. I made rules based on what I believe is right for my children. Whether they obey them or not is not my issue. Whether they rebel or not is not my issue. My responsibility is to have the rule and to enforce it. What my kids do with it is their responsibility.

Parents are the mature and responsible ones. We're the ones who are supposed to be willing to risk the relationship. Our self esteem should not be based on whether or not our kids think we're cool.

TRM: Talk to parents who know that their teen is sexually active. What should they do?

Their child needs to be under good medical care. Girls need to be under consistent care of a gynecologist. She needs to be getting tested and having PAP Smears every six months. If they have an STD, they will need to talk to the doctor about what the disease means to them long term, what they need to be saying to future partners, and so on. Like I said, pregnancy is the least of our worries; it's the diseases that are long term and chronic that can cause tremendous pain in the future. Any teen that has had sex needs to be under a doctor's care...end of discussion.

Pam Stenzel is the founder of Enlighten Communications, Inc. and has traveled worldwide, speaking in person to over 300,000 young people each year about issues of sexuality and the importance of abstinence. Pam also holds seminars with parents and educators regarding issues of teen sex and how vital character building is in a child's upbringing.

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